Our Story- Not Jab We Met but How We Met?

Mere Haath Mein Tera Haath Ho Saari Jannatein Mere Saath Ho…

Dearest Shri,

Son, as you grow up, I am sure the question in the title will pop up in your mind. The probability of it appearing for the first time being maximum when you enter your teens. So, today on your Parents “tin anniversary”, this letter of mine will provide you with an answer to this question. The ‘We’ in the title stands for your Parents (Ravi & Seema). I will let you know how two people who were separated by roughly 1234 km were brought together by destiny. This letter of mine will take you through their journey of being total strangers, acquaintance, friends, best friends, and finally soulmates. Remember, some finer details will be deliberately omitted by me for two main reasons. The first being that these missing elements of surprise will retain your interest when you ask us the same question later in your life. We will love to watch your inquisitiveness along with a twinkle in your eyes as we narrate our story. Second, some intricate incidents are best left with the people it involves so that they can recall and relive them time and again. They are never meant to be shared. They are only theirs!

Son, our story dates to the time, when your Mumma stayed in NCR, working for a reputed school in Delhi and your Papa stayed in the campus area of a recognized private University in Madhya Pradesh where he worked as a Senior lecturer. Today, as I write this letter, the same University campus is a home for You, Me and Papa. So, you see that both your parents were working as educators before they met.

Shri, you will be surprised to know that Mumma although a school teacher herself NEVER wanted to marry a school teacher, instead she wanted an Engineer for herself (preferably a Computer Science Engineer). My Dear, I had nothing against male educators. But I somehow developed a belief that they, especially the ones teaching in schools, lack an analytical bent of mind. Having said that there are indeed exceptions and I do not belittle them and their efforts as teachers. It was simply that I didn't come across many of them. She in her decade long career had majorly, come across men who confessed to being in the teaching field because they had nothing else to choose as a profession, and this job gave them the extra perks to earn money by providing private tuitions after regular school hours. On several one-to-one discussions, I found them arguing with no logic and reasoning. Furthermore, I was greatly influenced by the thinking of the two closest men in my life, my Dad- your Naanu who holds a Doctorate in Chemistry and is self-employed, and my Brother- your Maamu who at that time was working as a Software Engineer. They both reasoned out with logic and were very systematic in their approach towards life. These were exactly some of the important qualities that I was looking for in my prospective life partner. I thought a person with an Engineering (technical) or a Doctorate will have a greater chance of being more logical and understanding as these degrees work towards honing these skills. But remember my Dear Son, it is not a rule of thumb.

Your Dad and I met through a matrimonial site where we had uploaded our respective profiles for seeking an alliance. Depending on my search filters, your Papa’s profile got highlighted on my home page. What attracted me to his profile amidst plenty of others was his unique profile picture. A sweet, chubby person in a fawn-coloured suit with a typical pose, straight out of a studio. The uniqueness of that pose can be imagined from the fact that I had never come across such a picture for a matrimonial alliance at least not from a male member. Shri, when you read this, do ask your Dad to show that photograph. I am sure, you will second my opinion and will also love the picture. On clicking the ‘Know more’ button placed at the bottom right of his brief profile, I was glad to find that his profile met my other two major search criteria, of being a Rajput and holding an Engineering degree. I was overjoyed to read that your Dad was pursuing his Ph.D. in Computer Science and Engineering (CSE). Wow! I was looking for a person with a bachelor's degree and I got someone pursuing his Doctorate. Moreover, the person had a combination of both, my father’s Doctorate and my brother’s technical degrees. He seemed to be a right choice until, a single word ‘teaching’ that I came across against the occupation heading of his profile shook me. I was expecting Research & Development (R & D) in that column. Suddenly, I was taken back in time when one of my teachers while I was pursuing my Bachelors in Education (B.Ed.) made a motherly statement to the entire group of girls, “What you do not want or whatever it is that you hate, will somehow find its way in your life”. Thus, be watchful while talking about your dislikes, and still better do not talk about them in the first place. After going through the profile completely, I was tempted to overlook the ‘teaching’ aspect, and this I did by convincing myself that if things proceeded in a positive direction, I might have a partner who will not only be able to understand my profession but will also be technically sound. Such a pairing will also give us more room for common & constructive conversations. Furthermore, as compared to working in a school, a male teacher working in a University commands more respect from the society who generally refers to him as “Professor/Doctor Saheb”. Thus, your Father’s caste and Educational qualifications overruled his profession and became the driving force for me to further explore the possibility of him being a suitable match for me.

An initial acceptance from both sides followed by several chat sessions, and thereafter plenty of long tele conversations made us confident to take the matter ahead. Subsequently, we informed our parents but before they met, your Daddy came to meet me & my family on his birthday. When my Father introduced his Daughter, who opened the entrance gate for your Dad, the latter got perplexed. He kept staring at that girl, who had to remind him that she is not the person he came to meet. She is her sister and probably he missed listening to her name when she was introduced. I guess this happened because your Mom resembles her sister quite a bit. After this confusion was settled, I met your Papa for the first time and it being his birthday, out of basic courtesy handed him a hand-made greeting card. He kept looking at me so intently that it took him quite some time to realize that he did not thank me. (Now as I recall writing this, I am a bit surprised that Daddy did not bring anything for me on his maiden visit to my place). Anyway, Papa ate your favourite aloo ka parantha at my home. Quite a few! I met him probably for not more than 15 minutes and thereafter, it was an instant ‘yes’ from his side with an apprehension that it will not be the same from my side. Guess, he was correct!

It being an arranged type of alliance, your Mom’s head ruled over her heart. I followed the proper protocol of letting my Parents visit your Dad’s Parents who were residing in Bhilai. It was raining when the elders first met, and all my Parents could see in the town of Bhilai was lush greenery with very few houses. The first thing they told me on their arrival about my prospective home was that it looked more of a ‘jungle’ (dense forest), scarcely populated with probably no health care facilities insight. Your Papa had a hearty laugh when I narrated how my Parents felt about his hometown. He laughed because Bhilai is a major industrial city and an educational hub with a well-planned township. It is home to some of the finest hospitals which one can reach in less than 10 minutes from his home. He said unfortunately due to heavy rains your Parents did not see much of Bhilai and offered to show them real Bhilai on their next visit. Well, that visit never happened, what happened instead was our Parents fixing the big dates for us after we both gave a go-ahead. But before the engagement was fixed, a series of enquiries from every possible source was made about your Dad from our end. These sources included his neighbours, colleagues at his workplace, and my students who were then enrolled in courses offered by the University where Papa was teaching. We found no reason for doubting your Papa regarding his character or the information which he furnished. Without me or my Parents asking, he emailed me his pay slip which further strengthened our belief in his words.

Thereafter, within three months of knowing each other, we got engaged. You will be surprised that I met my in-laws just hours before my engagement. An alliance is rarely fixed without in-laws meeting their prospective daughter-in-law or visiting her home. One of the interesting incidents that I can recall from our engagement was the phone call that your Dad made in the middle of the night before our engagement. I thought it would be to say something nice and romantic. But he called to ask how to tie a simple tie knot. Can you beat that Son? Anyway, I was short of time and thus hung up. Note that a decade ago, the internet was not that readily available, seamless and inexpensive. Moreover, the phones which we had were not that smart and were majorly used for conversations. Not until the next day, after we exchanged rings, I came to know that Dad and his father were awake the entire night to learn how to tie the tie knot with the help of slow internet on their mobile phones. It was courageous on their part to attend the ceremony, wearing their respective ties, whose knots were incorrectly tied. You can see that for yourself in our engagement pictures.

Subsequently, began our courtship period that comprised exclusively of phone calls. It was a time to further know each other and become sure if we wanted to be together for the rest of our lives. One of the major reasons that I never reconsidered my ‘yes’ to this alliance was the firm 'no dowry' stand of both, my in-laws and your Papa before and after engagement. When I say no-dowry, it means absolutely nothing except clothing, laptop and few basic items that I needed. Finally, when most of the countries were busy celebrating Labour’s day or the International workers' day, your Mom and Dad got married. At our wedding, I was introduced to the last member of your Dad's family- my only sister-in-law, your Bua. An interesting incident that I can recall from our wedding day was when your Papa out of sheer happiness danced non-stop at the venue’s entrance. He stopped only after your Maamu tapped gently on his shoulder and whispered in his ears “That’s enough Ravi, you are getting all sweaty”, but your Papa could not resist for long his temptation or rather love for dancing. The moment we exchanged garlands, he started again on the make-shift dance floor. Here your Nannu was worriedly enquiring from your Naani, “Do the groom himself dance on his wedding as ours is doing?” Your Naani happily said, “Yes, Of course, if he is elated.” Thereafter, your Mammu had to intervene again reminding your Papa to dance slowly lest all the delicate rose flowers in the garland will be on the floor in no time.

I came to your Dad’s home and now our home with mere three suitcases that included my stuff. A nominal cheque that my Parents forcibly handed to your Daddu was given back to me, the moment I stepped into their home, and this act of theirs made them enter into my heart. I haven’t come across many men that can proudly say that they did not take even a needle from their in-laws. Your Dad is one such man who can boast of this achievement. I am sure, you too will follow in his footsteps.

My Child, the journey of your Parents from the time when they first interacted with each other and until they got married was covered in roughly 6 months, and during this duration, they only met thrice, the engagement and the wedding days included. Today when I look a decade back, I don’t think that Papa and I have our 'Jab we met' story (given the fact that we met only once before the D-day and that too when your Papa came to see me if I existed for real), but Son, we do have an elaborate 'how we met' story. Hope reading our story leaves you smiling.

and now Shri, to know what happened after we met….come meet your Parents in person.

I love you, my heartbeat!

Mumma

P.S. Dearest Shri, many people including our friends, colleagues, the photographer of our wedding, even the readers of my blogs believe that your Papa and I had a love marriage. I guess that is what our comfort level with each other which is inexplicable from day one portrays to the people watching us. Well, ours was an arranged marriage. On a lighter side, from your Dad’s side, the love factor dominated before the wedding and from my end it was otherwise. Probably we both found exactly what we were looking for in our prospective partners and thus, that feeling of contentment is reflected as love to people around us.